WHY DO WE CHEAT?

I have always had a sweet tooth. It’s been a habit of mine for the longest time. From putting about eight cubes of sugar in a very small cup of tea or garri, to taking Fanta or Mirinda everyday. If the doughnut isn’t sprinkled with sugar, I will get sugar and sprinkle it myself. It was THAT bad.

My Parents would complain and complain but no, my ears were blocked by cottons of sugar. It got to a point, my Dad banned sugar in our house and would only permit a few drops of honey. The honey was sweet but e no be sugar mate. It didn’t have that concentrated sweetness that my taste buds were already addicted to, so I started smuggling sugar into the house. I always hid the contraband in my pocket or wherever I could store them with assurance that nobody would find it. My siblings would find it and I would pay them to keep quiet (but don’t trust your siblings, especially when they are below 13. Snitches, the whole lot of them).

It was THAT bad.

But some time last year, I made a decision to finally stop taking so much “sweets”. I wanted to be healthy and I had finally made up my mind. I told myself, “Tolu, you have been taking too much “sweets” and junks, it’s a wonder you are still standing. Can you break this addiction?”

I went two months straight sugar free and boy, I am here to tell you that when I plunged, I went deep.

I was in an eatery, I hadn’t drank Fanta and the likes for two months straight, I have been taking my cereals without sugar, not even honey, but that day, I was just sitting, chilling. I ordered jollof rice with water and I was just eating, having fun, when this guy just walked in and sat adjacent from me. I was minding my business fr, just breathing, when he ordered a box of doughnuts with ice cream. The doughnuts were sprinkled with sugar and vanilla toppings and the ice cream was strawberry flavoured. I could see it from where I sat.

When I tell you the jollof rice suddenly became stale in my mouth, better believe me. I couldn’t taste the jollof anymore. Thé water was tasteless and annoying. And as this devil boy ate, I couldn’t look away. I caved that day. I ordered my own box of doughnuts and ice cream and ate it on the spot. I took another box of doughnuts home, which I later ate with Fanta. Like…I took a deep plunge.

I am working on my self control now and the journey has been amazing even though once in a while, I fall.

I can’t wait to attain so much self discipline and control that even when these junks and “sweets” are shoved under my nose, I would be able to say “No. It looks and taste divine, but I don’t want it. It’s not for me”

On the flip side ….

While I was still battling with my addiction to “sweets”, I had a friend, Chi, who didn’t take sugar at all. Not in her tea or custard or ogi. Chi didn’t take it AT ALL. She didn’t eat junks at all, she didn’t snack. It was impressionable. We would legit be sitting together and I’d be moaning about how sweet the ice cream or cake I was eating was and she would say with a laugh “It looks really good, but I don’t want it, Tolu. You can’t sweet talk me into taking it” and I would be so impressed and unbothered sha, because I would still eat my own cake lol.

But she had self control carved from iron and no matter what you said or did, Chi would never take “sweets”.

Up until today.

I have been asked so many questions on “why do men cheat?” “How does a man love you and still cheat?”

Let’s agree to the fact that even women cheat too, as regularly and even better at it than guys. But since I have been asked these questions by more females, I would be doing this in their point of view. But wherever I talk about men in this write up, it also applies to women who cheats too.

Firstly, the narrative that “a man who loves you would not cheat on you” needs to be killed. A man’s cheating tendencies are separate and independent from his feelings for you as his woman. A man would love you and still cheat on you because cheating is not a measure of his love, it’s a measure of his self control and self discipline.

The way I had no self control when it came to “sweets” is how cheats have no self control when presented with an opportunity. They are just on their own, minding their jollof rice business until a beautiful box of doughnuts with a big ass and 250k Peruvian hair walks past looking all dapper and fine.

A cheat with no self control like me would say “Damnnn. This babe is 🔥. I gotta taste that” even with the knowledge that it is unhealthy for them, unhealthy for their relationship. They know but somehow they can’t fight it. They “order” the box of doughnuts to eat and another to take home.

You would always be presented with people who are better looking than your partner, who has better sense of humor than your partner, some would even connect with you on an intellectual and emotional level that would have you wondering “what the hell…?”, but what do you do at that point?

In that moment when it truly matters, are you Tolu or Chi?

Do you have that iron fist self control or you cave when you see or smell “sweets”?

To be Chi is hard, because as humans, we all have flesh and sometimes we fall, but we can be subject to change.

“Once a cheat always a cheat?”

“Do cheats ever change?”

“He cheated on me, I still love him. I want to forgive him”

I knew I had no self control for real, I tried staying away from sweets for two months but still caved at the first sight of a sweet box of doughnuts. Subsequently, I went three months and still failed, I went four months and still failed. Now, today would make it six months and some days I have been sugar free. I am finally getting to where I want to be. My self control is building and I have come across several boxes of sweets on my Twitter TL and real life but I didn’t cave. I don’t know how long I can keep this but I am determined because I have caused myself enough harm with the amount of sweets I have already taken and I want to be healthy.

A cheating partner can change because self control is something one can develop for one’s self as an individual. That’s why it’s called “self control”. You can do it for YOU.

Evaluate yourself. You caused your partner enough hurt the first time. Do you want to do that again? Why?

The way I caved and fell back to “sweet” time and time again is how a cheating partner might still go back to cheating time and time again.

Then the girl would be like “This is the third time. He is always saying he would change. What do I do?”

You can stay and find out.

You can leave and still find out from afar.

I have been sugar free for six months and some days and I pray to remain that way for life but you know, nothing is certain.

Are you the cheating partner who keeps “falling back” into it?

Now this is more than sugar and “sweets”. The only comparison here is SELF CONTROL.

If you are in a relationship, you are somehow responsible for the other’s feeling because how you treat them depends on you.

Do you want to keep hurting Eniola because you can’t keep your dick in your pants? How about you build your self control? It would help you, not only as a partner, but as a man or woman individually.

Think about it.

Be true to yourself.

And stay away from “sweets”. Fr though.